Tech Manifesto

Bye for now! (bye4now.wav 41K)

OK lady, bye bye, I love you! (oklady.wav 39K)

I’m getting out of here, Damien! … (damien.wav 93K)

Adios, amigo (adios.wav 23K)

It is high, it is far, it is gone! (itisgone.wav 85K)

OK, bye bye. OK bye bye. (okbyebye.wav 110K)

We hope you enjoyed the ride. Hah hah. (theride.wav 49K)

Good night, David. Good night, Chet. (nitechet.wav 26K)

Good night everybody (lettrman.wav 36K)

Bye Bye (mclaugh.wav 13K)

Thank you for your cooperation. Good night. (robocop.wav 44K)

Everybody’s Making Money Off The Internet

Ever heard of a little thing called the Internet? Marge: Internet, eh? (simp1.wav 210K)

Oh yeah, everybody’s making money off the Internet except us! (simp2.wav 175K)

Welcome to the Internet my friend. How can I help you?
(simp3.wav 109K)

I’m interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud Internet
connection to a 1.5 megabit fiber optic T1 line. Will you be
able to provide an IP router that’s compatible with my
Token Ring ethernet LAN configuration? (simp4.wav 542K)

Ooo. They have the Internet on computers now! (simp5.wav 102K)

Radio bytes

Paul Harvey: gonads are useful for their purpose, but they are no
substitute for brains (gonads.wav 45K)

Paul Harvey………… good day. (goodday.wav 20K)

Dr. Laura: Now go take on the day (takeon.wav 10K)

Thank you, Leo! (thankyou.wav 9K)

The outrageous observations of Duckman!

Sweet! (sweet.wav 23K)

Oy. I should charge for these sessions. (charge.wav 23K)

The second we leave I’m peein’ on their lawn. (peein.wav 34K)

Don’t blame me you rug wearing suburban psycho! (psycho.wav 47K)

Talk about a crime. I can’t believe I wore those platform shoes (platform.wav 50K)

Well nice knowing you son. Not like I don’t love you or anything, but you know
how people are. They’ll assume that sort of thing runs in the family, and
frankly I got a tough enough time picking up chicks to begin with. So, good
luck, be careful, and maybe we’ll see you on TV some time lip synching “Over
the Rainbow” in one of those pride parades. (pride.wav 182K)

Stop touching me!

Make up your mind: (makemind.wav 18K)

Stop touching me: (touching.wav 20K)

Don’t you have a kingdom to run?: (kingdom.wav 23K)

I do have work to do: (worktodo.wav 20K)

Join the army they said: (army.wav 22K)

See the world they said: (world.wav 19K)

I’d rather be sailing: (sailing.wav 21K)

All of the above in one file: (peonset.wav 166K)

Orc sailor collection: (orcship.wav 111K)

It’s snack time!

Intermission (intrmisn.wav 233KB)

Macintosh Start me up!

Mac Sounds (mac1.wav 8 KB)
(mac2.wav 8 KB)
(mac3.wav 8 KB)
(mac4.wav 8 KB)
(mac5.wav 13 KB)
(mac6.wav 11 KB)
(mac7.wav 13 KB)
(mac8.wav 8 KB)

What do you have inside?

Intel Inside: (pentium.wav 44 KB)

Apple Inside: (zen.wav 31 KB)

Microsoft Inside: (cash.wav 8 KB)

Homer Inside: (starting.wav 22 KB)

Little Caesar Inside: (pizza.wav 121 KB)

Reel Sounds

THX: (thx.wav 279 KB)

Dolby THX: (dolby.wav 313 KB)

Paramount: (Paramount.wav 62 KB)

Lorimar: (LORIMAR.WAV 76 KB)

ITC: (itc.wav 122 KB)

X Files

Scully: But on the ‘net, Mulder, he can find out practically
anything about you. (net.wav 147 KB)

Scully: Mulder the government is not about to sacrifice the lives of
ranking military officers just to discredit us. (yeah
right) (govt.wav 122 KB)

The X-Files Theme (in MPEG3 format) (xfiles.mp3 3.3 MB)

Wired like a Fox

King of the Hill: Yeah man I tell you what that dang old
Internet, man. You just go on there and point and click. Get in
there and talk about ww dot w com, mean you, god damn naked
chicks on there you go click click click click click. It’s real
easy, man. (dangnet.wav 235 KB)

The Simpsons:The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To
obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad now.
(fatfing.wav 187 KB)

More AOL Hell.

America In Line: You’ve got mail… Now try and get it! (a-in-line.au 447 KB)

Happy birthday, HAL!

Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL 9000 computer.
I became operational at the H.
A. L. labs in Urbana, Illinois on the twelfth of January,
1992 (iamhal.wav 1239 KB)

This sort of thing has cropped up before and it has always been due
to human error. (error.wav 53 KB)

I could see your lips move. (lips.wav 41 KB)

My mind is going. I can feel it. (mind.wav 83 KB)

The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000
computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information. We
are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof
and incapable of error. (reliable.wav 332 KB)

I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that. (sorry.wav 37 KB)

This means war! War Games!

Looks military to me. Definitely military. Probably classified! (military.wav 88 KB)

That system contains the new data encryption algorithm. You’ll never
get in there! (encrypt.wav 97 KB)

Shall we play a game? (game.wav 57 KB)

Welcome to fast food hell.

Welcome to Der Weinerschnitzel… may I take your order? (weiner.wav 27K)

Would you like a slurpee with that? (slurpee.wav 21K)

The food here is not very appetizing (food.wav 82K)

Apu: Thank you for coming… I’ll see you in hell! (hell.wav 30K)

These sound files speak for themselves…

Burp (burp.wav 11K)

Belch (belch.wav 26.6K)

Fart (fart.wav 2.6K)

Blazing Saddles: the bean episode (beans.wav 386K)

John C. Dvorak

Uh (uh.wav 6K)

Ah (ah.wav 6K)

I’m writing books all the time! (books.wav 13K)

Let’s go to Pablo in Walnut Creek (pablo.wav 24K)

Um, I don’t remember all the details, um. (details.wav 38K)

Beers to you!

Budweiser Jingle: “When you say Bud” (budjing.wav 1272KB)

Bud - wise - er frogs (budfrogs.wav 105KB)

I love you man (loveyou.wav 83KB)

Yes I am (yes.wav 25KB)

Yes I Am in Chinese (yeschina.wav 36KB)

Homer Simpson: Don’t think about beer! (think.wav 28KB)

Homer Simpson: Ummm, beer. (umm.wav 24KB)

Infamous Ross Perot

“Let’s pick up the shovel and clean out the barn” (shovel.wav 24K)

“This is a trick on the American people” (trick.wav 38K)

“I am in this race because my wife went nuts” (nuts.wav 65K)

“I kidnapped my four beautiful daughters and I just found it
amusing that they had problems” (daughter.wav 95K)

Star Trek Scotty

Captain, what do we do?? (dowedo.wav 11K)

We’re goin’ down, Captain. (down.wav 15K)

This jury riggin’ won’t last for long! (jury.wav 15K)

I don’t know if she can be repaired. (repaired.wav 17K)

It’s the main junction circuitry. I ‘ll get it. (junction.wav 18K)

These are very sensitive instruments! (instrumn.wav 21K)

Captain, we’re losing power in the warp engines. (power.wav 26K)

Captain’s Log….(startrek.au 1,890,862 bytes)

Hello, computer. (Just use the keyboard.) The keyboard. How quaint! (hello.wav 109K)

Unquestionably an immensely powerful field of energy is being generated around
here somewhere. (energy.wav 117K)

Trapped on the Internet

(Sung to the tune of the “Gilligan’s Island Theme”)
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale about my virtual trip
It started from my IBM with a simple little click.
I tried to surf the Internet, things did not go well
I wound up in a chat room with some cybergeeks from hell.
(He’s trapped in cyberhell)
They won’t shut up, I can’t escape this AOL nightmare,
If I signed on to Prodigy, I bet they’d find me there. Those geeks
are everywhere.
I’m stuck inside the World Wide Web with weirdos I don’t
know,I hit F1, unplugged the phone, I can’t click out, I can’t click in
It’s senseless chat, Oh my God, I’m trapped on the Internet!
(trapped.wav 636,310 bytes)

Grandpa Simpson

Hunh? (hunh.wav 6k)

Help! (help.wav 7k)

Who are you?? (whoareu.wav 10k)

I don’t know! (dontknow.wav 10k)

Hello! (hello.wav 10k)

Where were we? (werewe.wav 10k)

Go away! (goaway.wav 11k)

Bahh! (bahh.wav 11k)

Where am I (whereami.wav 11k)

I’m hot! (imhot.wav 12k)

What the? What the? (whatthe.wav 13k)

I’m tired! (imtired.wav 13k)

I’d better sleep on it. (sleep.wav 14k)

I’m hungry! (hungry.wav 14k)

Oh, yeah! (ohyeah.wav 19k)

You have my pills! (mypills.wav 19k)

Commercial Funny

Do you want to make more money? We all do. (money.wav 34,644 bytes)

Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Poupon? (poupon.wav 23,600 bytes)

I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. (fallen.wav 43,606 bytes)

Good ole’ Mom

“Whaddya glued to the chair?” (glued.au 20k)

“Go outside and play for a while!” (gooutside.au 20k)

“That noise is driving me crazy!” (noise.au26k)

“You’re going to ruin your eyes!” (ruineyes.au 20k)

“What are you gonna do, play video games for a living?”(vid4liv.au 26k)

Triumph Spirit

We Do Song (wedo.au 379k)

“Now let’s all get drunk and play ping-pong!”(pingpong.au 30k)

Remove the stone of shame. Put on the stone of Triumph!”(stone.au 63k)

Berlin Craze

Welcome to Sproumlkets. I am your host, Dieter (welcome.au 20k)

Would you like to touch my monkey? (monkey.au 13k)

I need to be slapped. (slapped.au 13k)

I feel emotionally obliterated. (obliterated.au 20k)

You are beautiful and angular. (angular.au 13k)

That pulls down my pants and taunts me. (tauntsme.au 20k)

I am so full of anticipation that my genitals have been sucked (anticipation.au 29k)

Now is the time on Sproumlkets when we dance! (dance.au 59k)

Windows ME Team

It’s because of men like you that all must be destroyed. Head strong. Violent. No use of the mind God gave you. (destroyed.au 42k)

You see? You see? You’re stupid minds. Stupid! Stupid! (stupid.au 42k)

CyberSpace

“Negative. (whip crack) Ow! Working…. affirmative! (correction.au 42k)

“You are now entering into…. cyberspace!” (cyberspace.au 83k)

Elmer Fudd

“Greetings music lovers!” (greeting.au 20k)

“There’s something screwy around here.” (skwewy.au 26k)

“Ah, rest and relaxation at last.” (ahwest.au 39k)

“And as we hear the rhythmic strains of the haunting refrain,
listen to the whispering rhythm of the woodwinds, as it rolls around
and around. And it comes out here. (boing)” (wythmic.au 111k)

Baldy

“I would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your
body.” — George Costanza, Seinfeld (baldhead.au 31k)

“I’m not only the Hairclub president, I’m also a client.” (hairclub.au 20k)

Windows environment

“You are entering Windows environment” (music) entering.au (127 KB)

“You are now exiting from Windows environment” (music) exiting.au (61 KB)

Jungle Telegraph

“The time is now 2am in Bacava, Belgian Congo. The home of the jungle telegraph. We’d
like to say hello to Ungat-ungat Oomp and Mrs. Oomp and all the boys up at the transmitter site.” (ITS2AM.AU 104k)